DIY HELL

I went to bed last night with a simple DIY plan in my head.

• Get up early
• Paint the dining room door frames
• Paint the window surround
• Wallpaper with Thomas from midday
• Finish the room today

I should have known better. Anna got me up five times during the night - she's got a blocked nose so isn't eating as well as usual but seems to be in a bit of a growth spurt so is hungrier than normal. This wasn't the best start, but unperturbed I dragged myself downstairs around 9am and headed for the espresso machine to get me through. After breakfast I started painting the window surround. The blind was in the way so I tried to take it down. The whole window surround collapsed spilling dust, plaster all over the new real wood flooring leaving a gaping hole above the double glazing. The hole measured 2.5 metres long, 5cm back to front and another 5cm deep. I hunted the garage for some wire mesh and Thomas dug out the metal cutters. I packed the gaping hole with the mesh and decided that simple plastering would take a week so hunted the garage for the 'No More Big Gaps' spray foam. That worked well but of course given I was filling a hole above the window, it started to drip on my hands and arms and set. Have you ever had superglue stuck to your skin? No More Big Gaps makes Superglue feel like pritt stick. A full 12 hours on I still haven't managed to shift it and my whole hand is covered. Itch, itch, throb. This wasn't ideal given it got into the big cut I have on my left thumb from accidentally drilling a hole in it when fitting a door handle on Sunday. It is throbbing like mad. Then Thomas went back to bed. He's been fighting a horrible chest infection that landed him in the Victoria Infirmary on Easter Sunday, his wheezing so bad they sent him home with strong antibiotics and an asthma inhaler. He proceeded to collapse in bed for nearly 5 hours. I continued trying to plaster up my hole, moving onto proper plaster on top of my foam. I then painting my doors and frames with horrible, toxic smelling oil-based paint giving myself a headache in the process. Dad then showed up to check on my wallpapering progress but finding I had made none offered to carry some books through from my dining room to the coffee room. We'd been to Ikea last night to swap a damaged bookcase we bought last week for a pristine one so dad and I took two minutes out to finish assembling that. I instantly managed to destroy it by putting my hand through the back of it as I lifted it up, necessitating another trip to Ikea tomorrow (buggeration!) So book moving was put on hold again. I went back to my bucket of plaster to take up where I left off. The bloody plaster had only gone and set in the meantime. Never mind, I thought, I'll repaint the door frames - but of course they aren't dry yet, so I couldn't do that either. And of course I haven't even started the day's real work, so poor sick Thomas got dragged out of bed to babysit, while I went and wrote a dictionary. It is now bedtime. My plan when I get up tomorrow is:

• Get up early
• Paint the dining room door frames
• Paint the window surround
• Wallpaper with Thomas from midday
• Finish the room today